nets.

Today Bud-man and I finally bit the bullet and bought a new one. A really nice one: 7'10 x 5'6 x 4'3. Plenty of room for two. Our very own mosquito net. Complete with black stuff sack and hight adjustable draw string. It's ready to go: we are ready to go. To move to South Africa for the Peace Corps.

Tonight, as Buddy was work I opened up the mosquito net and let it drape across the kitchen table. I crawled under the table and let the green mesh spill across the kitchen floor. I laid on my back and listened to my own breath. I didn't realize how heavy my shoulders got, how labored my breath has become. This year I've been slowly suffocating. But not tonight. Tonight everything seemed different under the mosquito net. I felt safe, assured.

Maybe that is why we purchased the net in the first place--because we need a literal net to compensate for the metaphoric "safety net" we lack in our life... You see, I recently resigned from my job. To most, this was a great job. A wonderful opportunity for a young professional just out of graduate school! A position filled with responsibility and challenge that is located 2.5 hours away from my family and the home I grew up in. Salary and benefits even a retirement plan, this was a great job to "land" with. A perfect place to pop out a few kids and call it good. Most 24 year old women I have encountered here have done just that-- married, reproduced, and then tried to fill the rest of the void with stuff. You should see their shoes here in Holland Michigan, seriously, great shoes.

But it just feels wrong. Everything in me is restless. I sleep next to Buddy and his arms and legs shake-- I think his dreams are too big for even his body.

So we gave it up, the security, the money, the "American Dream". We leave in July for South Africa to join the United States Peace Corps. I'm finally breathing my own air.